Happy Thanksgiving! (I know it’s a day early…Hope one of these makes you smile!)

Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

How'd the redneck get lost in space? He rolled down the window to spit out his chaw.

After a party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already tipsy the man asks the person sitting next to him, “Do you want to hear a blonde joke?” The person replies, “I am 240pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, a world judo champion and a natural blonde. My other friend here is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”  The man thinks for a minute and answers, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

Nick and Bob were golfing on a course that was right next to a cemetery. After they teed off, they noticed that there was a funeral procession passing by. So Nick takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, Bob looks at Nick and asks, ''Why did you do that?'' Nick replies, ''Well we were married for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''

Kathy and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here -- how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican has started an early campaign to ''recruit'' a successor. They have interviewed many applicants and after many months of interviewing they have narrowed the search to TWO final candidates: Bishop McLaughlin from Dublin Ireland and Bishop Sicola from New York. They are both very good candidates. The Vatican selection committee finally settled on Bishop Sicola. Though after much debate they changed their minds and said that Bishop Sicola would NOT be a good choice because it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''pope-si-cola.''

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