Return of the Count Down-12 Days of Christmas

Come (shop) they told me, pa rum pum pum pum…well the song does mention a gift just not the kind you can order from Amazon.com. As stores try to drum up business, I am trying not to get snared into the maddening crowd of last minute shoppers. I’m downsizing the Christmas celebration (and tree and decorations) in St. Marys this year but not the reason for celebrating. Julie still loves my springy Santa hat and I am still crocheting. Homemade ravioli and family still dominate the day.

Count Down-11 Days ‘til Christmas

Okay I realize my hope for a white Christmas in South Georgia is just a pipe dream but still I figured I would use my blog to pipe up about the white stuff (snow). It is one of the forces of nature that makes Christmas, well Christmas-y. I also realize that my countdown is off and if I continue to pipe up on the 12 days of Christmas, one day at a time, I won’t finish till after Christmas, because today is the 15th and 25-15=10 (not 11). So now I am considering combining the Lords and Ladies or some of the birds closer to the end of the countdown (or the beginning of the song), but I’ll try not to confuse myself and end this train of thought. I am chalking this business with the countdown being off up to bad planning on my part. In truth though I do live a large part of my life in the state of confusion I’m mostly pretty good at planning and I love the Christmas season because it is a wonderful time to get family together and I have come to realize what a gift that really is.

Lordy, Lordy, the Christmas Countdown Continues!

This morning I made one of my infamous lists of blog topics to cover today and all the rest of the days until Christmas and I discovered that I do not have to combine the Lords a Leaping with Ladies Dancing after all. I am happy to say my countdown is back on track since I made this list, and I am no longer leaping to conclusions. Did you know that this year like all Presidential Election years is a leap year?

Other than the 10 Lords a Leaping, the only other leaper here is our dog, Fred. He leaps up at the trunks of the pine trees in our back yard in an attempt to snare any of the squirrels that so nimbly make their getaways up the same pine tree trunks and then perch on a branch above and scold him for trying. Maybe if Fred didn’t have to leapfrog over a half a dozen chickens he’d be fast enough to catch one of the squirrels. All I know is that Fred is persistent. He keeps trying. Fred is a rat terrier-chihuahua mix (hails from the local Wal-Mart barking lot) and when he’s not leaping around the back yard he has been known to get extra practice by leaping onto our dining room table when you leave the room to sample any part of your breakfast you may have left unattended. I wouldn’t mind it so much if he would just put a few correct numbers on the Sudoku for me. It would be great to come back from the bathroom and find that Fred had given me some help on that. But alas, no joy and I didn’t really need the extra biscuit anyway. At least Fred doesn’t drink coffee. Some mornings really do require a leap of faith (Sunday’s, in particular).

There’s just one more thing that keeps leaping out at me, I am still not done with my Christmas shopping. Leaping lizards! Where is Daddy Warbucks (aka Poppa) when I need him!

9 Ladies Dancing (Not Dancing with the Stars!)

‘Tis the day for yours truly (me-not your true love) to give you nine ladies dancing and here they are!

•           First Lady (literally and on this list) Michelle Ozumba, I mean Obama! Who better to help me realize my fitness goals which include keeping the holiday pounds at bay?

•           Next is the multitalented Monica Lewinsky doing your choice of the Limbo or pole dancing.

•           Dolly Parton follows doing the Hammer Dance while singing “U Can’t Touch This These”. Do you really think anyone is going to be watching her Hammer harem/parachute pants?

•           Then there’s Tammy Two Step Why Not Wynette dancing while she stands by her man. A list of ladies dancing wouldn’t be complete without some good old country line dancing!

•           And with the latest You Tube sensation, go Lady Ga Ga Gangnam Style. Opp, Opp, Oppan Gangnam Style!

•           You won’t have to turn up your radio or drive a million miles for ev’rybody to have fun tonight and ev’rybody Wang Chung tonight. Just watch Connie (Wang) Chung rip it up, move down, rip it up, move it down to the ground.

•           A list of ladies dancing wouldn’t be complete without Donna Summers, the queen of disco, known for working hard for the money!

•           I’m also including Hillary Clinton, who while fainted while break (your head) dancing and suffered a mild concussion. (Notice the six degrees of separation between her and Monica.)

•           And the last lady dancing on this list is Lorena Bobbit. She isn’t a very good dancer but she just keeps cutting in.

If I skipped anyone you think should have been on my list leave a comment and perhaps your lady will appear on next year’s list of 9 Ladies Dancing!

8 Maids a Milking-The Countdown Keeps Churning!

Dear Santa,

    We are sending you this card to share a little Christmas steer. We know this is your busy time of year and we want you to know that we are pulling for you, especially on the eighth day of Christmas. The other 11 days of Christmas pail in comparison to ours. We herd it through the bo vine that some of your reindeer have been sick so we feel mooo ved to volunteer our cows. We have just the girl to take Rudolf’s place. Nude Jersey lost her hide and has been blushing brightly ever since. We are aware there’s a lot at steak and we don’t want you to worry, all our girls can easily jump over the moon and cattle drive your sleigh filled with gifts on Christmas Eve. This offer is no bull. It’s the veal thing.

                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                   8 Maids

Dear Maids,

   Kinder words were never uddered. Your offer is sincerely appreciated but all of the reindeer have recovered and will be able to fulfill their duties this Christmas Eve. I will however keep your offer in mind and consider it my official plan B for the future.

                                                Thanks and Merry Christmas!

                                                                                         Santa

*Blogger’s Note: I think I have milked this one for all its worth.

7 Swans a Swimming in Sync for Christmas

And so the countdown to Christmas moves “swimmingly” on.

Seven swans were swimming on Swan Lake, so the urban legend goes. The newest member of the flock had started out in life as an ugly duckling but things changed and happy-ever-after-ly she found herself where she finally felt she belonged gliding effortlessly across the lake, gazing contentedly at her reflection and the wavering reflections of her six best friends in the moonlight. Suddenly a shadow passed overhead. The surface of Swan Lake instantly lost its sparkly shimmer and the seven swans’ reflections disappeared. A chill wind etched a new pattern of ripples across the lake’s leaden surface and an unearthly moan could be heard whispering softly through the bare branches of the trees that ringed the lake. Slowly the volume rose in crescendo and the moan went from a windy whisper to a threatening growl and finally to one long soul shivering howl. An eerie silence followed. The seven swans looked mutely at each other. None dared break the silence. It would soon be Christmas Eve and once again the evil one (not Dr. Seuss’ Grinch either) had risen from the underbelly of the usually tranquil Swan Lake determined to spook Santa’s reindeer to throw the jolly old elf off course and extinguish the hope and light of Christmas the way he blotted out the moonlight. The swans just wanted to get the flock out of there. They weren’t ready to sing their swan song. But they knew they had a role to play to counter the evil deeds and put an end to the darkness. With only the sounds of their wings to guide them the seven swans rose gracefully with perfect synchronization in a reverse swan dive. Up they flew until the moonlight broke through the clouds and reflected off their snow white feathers lighting a path for Santa to follow. Once again foiled the evil one sunk back below the surface of Swan Lake, down through the murky depths of despair, to find that even his most evil deeds couldn’t squash the spirit Christmas. A brightly wrapped gift with his name on it waited for him at the entry to his underwater lair.

With the exception of the five golden rings, the rest of this countdown is pretty much for the birds.

6 Geese a Laying, I’m Just Sayin’

On the sixth day of Christmas as a gift, in fact,

Was a gaggle of geese, 6 to be exact.

Amelia and Abigail Gabble of Aristocats’ fame

were laying rubber in the driveway whenever they came

to visit Gwen from Charlotte’s Web who thought she saw a spider,

that made Goosebumps bump her head and spill her apple cider.

So on Goosebumps goose egg Gwen was laying an icepack

as she yelled at the Gabbles, “You should drive on a race track!”

“Time for laying out the feast,” they yelled back in return,

“We want the turkey that keyed our car to fry or burn!”

Soon the Native American goose, Wauna, sniffed, “What smells?”

 After laying an egg, she came walking on egg shells.

“Laying in wait for Christmas?” honked Boris, “I’m just saying.”

On the sixth day of Christmas there were 6 geese a laying!

5 Golden Rings

Six geese a laying five golden rings, even though in the back of my mind I knew geese laid eggs I never questioned them laying rings in this song. Maybe that was because of the goose that laid the golden eggs or nest eggs that made me think of money. It seems like I’m always spending more of that then I actually have at this time of year. As far as six geese laying only five of anything, well as a chicken owner I can tell you that someone usually lays out every day (skips laying an egg, or in this case a golden ring) and I can never figure out which one. Whenever I ask, they just all go to squawking as if they are secretly covering for their unproductive flock member. One can never get a straight answer from a chicken.

Then there are my other favorite golden rings, onion rings. They made an interesting entrée as a 2012 spaghetti night treat, fast food lasagna, layered with quarter pounders, bacon, sloppy Joe meat, cheese, Big Macs, more cheese, and topped with 5 (or more) golden (onion) rings in a really deep pan. Try singing that to the two all beef patties/Mickey Ds jingle! Heart attack holiday fun food and after all as the countdown to Christmas continues, it’s the season for holiday eating too.

4 Calling Birds

There were 4 birds, a chicken, a duck, a crow, and an owl. As calling birds these 4 didn’t exactly fit the bill. But these 4 each found a calling. The chicken was scrambling across the road to go to a Christmas party. The duck followed the chicken but was spotted by a fish and wildlife officer, and unlike his pal the chicken, ran a fowl of the law. After a couple of wise quacks he was allowed to go with a warning. The crow followed in stealth mode and managed to not get caw-t. The owl was trying to keep track of whoo was whoo. Each of them had a gift for the gift exchange and each thought he had outdone the other. All were looking forward to getting rather than giving. Even after they exchanged their gifts they would still be preening and competing for recognition. Then they came across a tern who told them they were going the wrong way. The best Christmas party in the town was in the other direction. The 4 birds took the tern at his word and changed direction toward town. When they arrived at the party there was a long line of children waiting. The chicken, duck, crow, and owl added their gifts to Santa’s pile so there would be enough for all the children. They thanked the tern for showing to them how one good turn calls for another.

As we near the end of the countdown, Christmas day, the four birds found their true calling, learning the joy of giving rather than receiving, and calling for peace on earth and goodwill to all.

3 French Hens

The three French hens in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas are said by some to represent the three virtues: Faith, Hope, and Charity.

“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”

- Saint Augustine

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul-and sings the tunes without the words and never stops at all.”                        - Emily Dickinson

“Charity begins at home, but should not end there.”     - Thomas Fuller

“If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”

                                                                - Bob Hope   

Let Faith, Hope and Charity carry us through this Christmas season.

2 Turtle Doves

After resisting the urge to write three recipes (coq au vin, chicken cordon bleu, or chicken chasseur) yesterday, I’ve decided to include this quick microwave turtle recipe for people like me that are scrambling to get things done on Christmas Eve. All you need are small pretzels (knots not sticks), Rolos (the candy), and a nut (pecan half) for the top. Stack the ingredients starting with the pretzel on the bottom and microwave on a microwave safe plate. Serve and watch the tiny turtles disappear.

On the next note the turtle doves mentioned in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas refer to either the pair of birds sacrificed at Mary’s purification or symbols of love and friendship. I prefer the latter especially since Christmas to me is also a time to celebrate love and friendship and a time best spent with friends and loved ones.

The turtle dove is a bird much like the mourning dove commonly found all across the U. S. In my own backyard in St. Marys they frequent the chicken feeder right alongside my chickens (and a brazen squirrel that has managed to stay a step ahead of our dog, Fred). On Andros, the doves large and island small alike love to frequent our bird feeder and they actually line up on the branches of the small ornamental tree (where the feeder is hung) waiting for their turns. There is usually a pair on the ground scouring for dropped seeds too. That’s how they arrive, by twos like the (I’m singing again) two turtle doves and ….tomorrow is Christmas!

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me…

In the manger, a blessed baby…

*Blogger’s note: Merry Christmas-Peace, Love, and Joy to you from my family and me.