New Year-New Laws

Along with the more newsworthy laws prohibiting smoking in vehicles transporting children or driving and using a handheld cellphone, legalizing marijuana, and school sports and bathroom access and gender identity here are some other new laws for the New Year.

In Oregon, privately run websites that feature police mug shots must take down photos for free if subjects can show they were not guilty or that charges were dropped. Interestingly enough, I kind of like looking at the local mug shot feature on the local news online, and since my own have never appeared I hadn't given much thought to how a person found not guilty or charged would feel about this.

In Delaware, fisher people beware sale, possession or distribution of shark fins prohibited. This law I mention for my fishing fool young’uns, in case they ever find themselves in Delaware.

In Illinois, you can now return a pet or be reimbursed for veterinary costs if an illness was not disclosed by the seller. So-called "lemon pets" laws already exist in 21 states, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. As a lemonade lover and animal lover I think lumping disappointing pets and cars together and calling them lemons is offensive.  

In Oregon, new mothers will now be able to take their placentas home from the hospital since some experts say ingesting it has positive health benefits and here I was hoping the mother’s might opt for burying it under a tree or something, anything other than eating it.

Happy New Year, I’m going with black eyed peas and collard greens again.

The Thirsty Monkey

After passing The Thirsty Monkey on Highway 40 (going between Kingsland and St. Marys) numerous times my husband finally turned off the main drag and on to the perimeter road upon which it is located by Kings Bay flowers, the Honda place, and the mostly fried seafood restaurant that has changed names several times and is currently called Ship2Shore for a cup of coffee. I am so happy that he did steer me to The Thirsty Monkey because it has everything a coffee place should have, besides really good coffee any way you like it. They have casual mismatched furnishings with tables and chairs and sofa and chair combos for all kinds of informal get togethers. There’s a raised corner niche (smallish stage area) with microphones for a live band or other events they have scheduled. They also have a bunch of board and card games including Scrabble and Uno, two of my favorites to occupy you while you sip their brew or to occupy the younger set that may be traveling with you. I also perused their nice menu of breakfast and lunch-ish items and some nice sweets that you can look over at their website, thethirstymonkey.com .The next time I drop by I’m going to ask if it is part of a coffee house chain, because it doesn't have that vibe. One more thing (plus the coffee) I particularly liked is the original artworks for sale on one wall. I even know one of the artists that sold one of her paintings there named Haley. She is a talented young artist and horsewoman and told me all about her art displayed at The Thirsty Monkey the other day when I caught up with her at the bowling alley. Needless to say if you are in the area and looking for a nice cup of coffee The Thirsty Monkey is the place to check out. Maybe I’ll see you there.  

The Nut House

Reading about the lady that was arrested for stabbing her common law husband with a ceramic squirrel for not bringing home any beer on Christmas Eve reminded me of the ceramic nut, topped with a ceramic squirrel of course that we used to have before our house fire in 2009. My parents were into buying nuts (still in the shells) as I was growing up around the holidays and I guess that goes with the nutcracker ballet that is always so popular around that time of year too. We always had a few nuts in our stockings. Then there is also a pecan tree in the yard across the street from us and many times (over the past 30 years) we would collect the nuts the real squirrels didn’t get and one year I boxed up a bunch and sent them to my brother and his family in Bolivia. In the return address I just wrote The Nut House and our address. Long after I asked him if he’d ever received the box of pecans and he said he did but he always wondered where the Nut House was that they’d come from. That made me laugh. As for our little ceramic nut and squirrel, it sat by our fireplace quite happily for years and no one was ever stabbed with it, I am happy to report. 

Some Predictable Things

Two things actually, some zoo predators got a chance to take down live prey and they did, and a slippery road made for a slippery spill on a motorcycle.

The first happened when a white tailed deer strayed into the cheetah enclosure at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo. A spokesperson for the zoo called killing the deer, or prey in this instance "a normal and expected reaction" by the carnivorous big cats.  A zookeeper heard noises coming from the cheetah pen and found the deer carcass near a pair of cheetah siblings. I hope the noises were sounds of sibling revelry rather than sibling rivalry and apparently the deer remains will be examined (what’s left of them) to be sure the animal carried no disease. The only witnesses to the chase etc. were the cheetahs themselves. This would have made for an interesting webcam event.

The slippery spill was witnessed by some friends at the bike (non-motorized) shop on the corner in front of which my husband fishtailed his bike coming around a rain slicked corner yesterday. Thankfully other than a scratched up helmet, a little dent to the gas tank, my husband came through mostly unscathed, unless you consider a small injury to his backside, and a little bigger one to his pride. Needless to say after he got the bike back up, with the help of our friends at the Camden Bicycle Center who were also nice enough to follow him home to make sure he made it here, he is now resting his injured parts on a heating pad and the bike is resting in the garage. 

Catching Fire

Not the movie, part two of the Hunger Game trilogy, although that might be an interesting blog at some point, this is about other things catching fire. A shed on the old Gilman Paper Mill site caught fire last night. I noticed several bonfires of varying sizes and sophistication (some on the ground and others in outdoor chimney pots and fire pits) while I was out and about on Christmas Eve looking at lights. We have had some chilly nights here in South Georgia and I have recently noticed a couple of homeless people here too. I am not talking about the scammer types that I've seen holding signs at various strategic intersections (Exit 1 and the outer reaches of Walmart’s parking lot) but people that look seriously confused, distressed and dirty, talking to themselves or driving a bike or shopping cart loaded down with a mish mash of worldly possessions. There are plenty of patches of deep woods and abandoned places like the shed on the old mill site to hide out in around here. If homeless people are considered an urban blight maybe we aren't so urban as to have no choice but see them, but I have seen people cross the street to avoid crossing their paths. I've also taken note of lots of overflowing trash cans along the post-holiday roads, my own included. The garbage collectors were a day off in their schedule, because of a day off for Christmas, I am guessing. In a place where there were so many wrappings and so much waste to cast off, and the holidays essentially behind us, perhaps we can still find compassion for those that found no room at the inn, and are still needing shelter, warmth, and sustenance. 

Windshield Wipers

Windshield wipers are the kinds of things you don’t give much thought to until they stop working, or worse begin making the fingernails on the chalkboard sounds. Mine are okay but I was reading about windshield wipers and found out that they were invented by a woman named Mary Anderson in 1903, just 2 years before my late father-in-law was born. A lot of things changed over the period of his long lifetime but windshield wipers, not so much. Today there is a system being developed (originally for fighter jets) that that can clear moisture and other material from a windshield by using high-frequency sound waves. A transducer attached to the windshield sends high frequency ultrasound across the surface that repels rain, snow, ice, or insects, and even bird droppings. Along with the benefit of better visibility this system improves aerodynamics which directly affects fuel efficiency by reducing drag. The only thing I didn’t see mentioned about this new system was the price tag, but I did get a price on new wipers, blades and arms for my husband’s Honda and it was enough to raise my eyebrows and lower my bank balance. That’s the kind of drag I’m talking about. 

Return of the Count Down-12 Days of Christmas

Come (shop) they told me, pa rum pum pum pum…well the song does mention a gift just not the kind you can order from Amazon.com. As stores try to drum up business, I am trying not to get snared into the maddening crowd of last minute shoppers. I’m downsizing the Christmas celebration (and tree and decorations) in St. Marys this year but not the reason for celebrating. Julie still loves my springy Santa hat and I am still crocheting. Homemade ravioli and family still dominate the day.

Count Down-11 Days ‘til Christmas

Okay I realize my hope for a white Christmas in South Georgia is just a pipe dream but still I figured I would use my blog to pipe up about the white stuff (snow). It is one of the forces of nature that makes Christmas, well Christmas-y. I also realize that my countdown is off and if I continue to pipe up on the 12 days of Christmas, one day at a time, I won’t finish till after Christmas, because today is the 15th and 25-15=10 (not 11). So now I am considering combining the Lords and Ladies or some of the birds closer to the end of the countdown (or the beginning of the song), but I’ll try not to confuse myself and end this train of thought. I am chalking this business with the countdown being off up to bad planning on my part. In truth though I do live a large part of my life in the state of confusion I’m mostly pretty good at planning and I love the Christmas season because it is a wonderful time to get family together and I have come to realize what a gift that really is.

Lordy, Lordy, the Christmas Countdown Continues!

This morning I made one of my infamous lists of blog topics to cover today and all the rest of the days until Christmas and I discovered that I do not have to combine the Lords a Leaping with Ladies Dancing after all. I am happy to say my countdown is back on track since I made this list, and I am no longer leaping to conclusions. Did you know that this year like all Presidential Election years is a leap year?

Other than the 10 Lords a Leaping, the only other leaper here is our dog, Fred. He leaps up at the trunks of the pine trees in our back yard in an attempt to snare any of the squirrels that so nimbly make their getaways up the same pine tree trunks and then perch on a branch above and scold him for trying. Maybe if Fred didn’t have to leapfrog over a half a dozen chickens he’d be fast enough to catch one of the squirrels. All I know is that Fred is persistent. He keeps trying. Fred is a rat terrier-chihuahua mix (hails from the local Wal-Mart barking lot) and when he’s not leaping around the back yard he has been known to get extra practice by leaping onto our dining room table when you leave the room to sample any part of your breakfast you may have left unattended. I wouldn’t mind it so much if he would just put a few correct numbers on the Sudoku for me. It would be great to come back from the bathroom and find that Fred had given me some help on that. But alas, no joy and I didn’t really need the extra biscuit anyway. At least Fred doesn’t drink coffee. Some mornings really do require a leap of faith (Sunday’s, in particular).

There’s just one more thing that keeps leaping out at me, I am still not done with my Christmas shopping. Leaping lizards! Where is Daddy Warbucks (aka Poppa) when I need him!

9 Ladies Dancing (Not Dancing with the Stars!)

‘Tis the day for yours truly (me-not your true love) to give you nine ladies dancing and here they are!

•           First Lady (literally and on this list) Michelle Ozumba, I mean Obama! Who better to help me realize my fitness goals which include keeping the holiday pounds at bay?

•           Next is the multitalented Monica Lewinsky doing your choice of the Limbo or pole dancing.

•           Dolly Parton follows doing the Hammer Dance while singing “U Can’t Touch This These”. Do you really think anyone is going to be watching her Hammer harem/parachute pants?

•           Then there’s Tammy Two Step Why Not Wynette dancing while she stands by her man. A list of ladies dancing wouldn’t be complete without some good old country line dancing!

•           And with the latest You Tube sensation, go Lady Ga Ga Gangnam Style. Opp, Opp, Oppan Gangnam Style!

•           You won’t have to turn up your radio or drive a million miles for ev’rybody to have fun tonight and ev’rybody Wang Chung tonight. Just watch Connie (Wang) Chung rip it up, move down, rip it up, move it down to the ground.

•           A list of ladies dancing wouldn’t be complete without Donna Summers, the queen of disco, known for working hard for the money!

•           I’m also including Hillary Clinton, who while fainted while break (your head) dancing and suffered a mild concussion. (Notice the six degrees of separation between her and Monica.)

•           And the last lady dancing on this list is Lorena Bobbit. She isn’t a very good dancer but she just keeps cutting in.

If I skipped anyone you think should have been on my list leave a comment and perhaps your lady will appear on next year’s list of 9 Ladies Dancing!

8 Maids a Milking-The Countdown Keeps Churning!

Dear Santa,

    We are sending you this card to share a little Christmas steer. We know this is your busy time of year and we want you to know that we are pulling for you, especially on the eighth day of Christmas. The other 11 days of Christmas pail in comparison to ours. We herd it through the bo vine that some of your reindeer have been sick so we feel mooo ved to volunteer our cows. We have just the girl to take Rudolf’s place. Nude Jersey lost her hide and has been blushing brightly ever since. We are aware there’s a lot at steak and we don’t want you to worry, all our girls can easily jump over the moon and cattle drive your sleigh filled with gifts on Christmas Eve. This offer is no bull. It’s the veal thing.

                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                   8 Maids

Dear Maids,

   Kinder words were never uddered. Your offer is sincerely appreciated but all of the reindeer have recovered and will be able to fulfill their duties this Christmas Eve. I will however keep your offer in mind and consider it my official plan B for the future.

                                                Thanks and Merry Christmas!

                                                                                         Santa

*Blogger’s Note: I think I have milked this one for all its worth.

7 Swans a Swimming in Sync for Christmas

And so the countdown to Christmas moves “swimmingly” on.

Seven swans were swimming on Swan Lake, so the urban legend goes. The newest member of the flock had started out in life as an ugly duckling but things changed and happy-ever-after-ly she found herself where she finally felt she belonged gliding effortlessly across the lake, gazing contentedly at her reflection and the wavering reflections of her six best friends in the moonlight. Suddenly a shadow passed overhead. The surface of Swan Lake instantly lost its sparkly shimmer and the seven swans’ reflections disappeared. A chill wind etched a new pattern of ripples across the lake’s leaden surface and an unearthly moan could be heard whispering softly through the bare branches of the trees that ringed the lake. Slowly the volume rose in crescendo and the moan went from a windy whisper to a threatening growl and finally to one long soul shivering howl. An eerie silence followed. The seven swans looked mutely at each other. None dared break the silence. It would soon be Christmas Eve and once again the evil one (not Dr. Seuss’ Grinch either) had risen from the underbelly of the usually tranquil Swan Lake determined to spook Santa’s reindeer to throw the jolly old elf off course and extinguish the hope and light of Christmas the way he blotted out the moonlight. The swans just wanted to get the flock out of there. They weren’t ready to sing their swan song. But they knew they had a role to play to counter the evil deeds and put an end to the darkness. With only the sounds of their wings to guide them the seven swans rose gracefully with perfect synchronization in a reverse swan dive. Up they flew until the moonlight broke through the clouds and reflected off their snow white feathers lighting a path for Santa to follow. Once again foiled the evil one sunk back below the surface of Swan Lake, down through the murky depths of despair, to find that even his most evil deeds couldn’t squash the spirit Christmas. A brightly wrapped gift with his name on it waited for him at the entry to his underwater lair.

With the exception of the five golden rings, the rest of this countdown is pretty much for the birds.

6 Geese a Laying, I’m Just Sayin’

On the sixth day of Christmas as a gift, in fact,

Was a gaggle of geese, 6 to be exact.

Amelia and Abigail Gabble of Aristocats’ fame

were laying rubber in the driveway whenever they came

to visit Gwen from Charlotte’s Web who thought she saw a spider,

that made Goosebumps bump her head and spill her apple cider.

So on Goosebumps goose egg Gwen was laying an icepack

as she yelled at the Gabbles, “You should drive on a race track!”

“Time for laying out the feast,” they yelled back in return,

“We want the turkey that keyed our car to fry or burn!”

Soon the Native American goose, Wauna, sniffed, “What smells?”

 After laying an egg, she came walking on egg shells.

“Laying in wait for Christmas?” honked Boris, “I’m just saying.”

On the sixth day of Christmas there were 6 geese a laying!

5 Golden Rings

Six geese a laying five golden rings, even though in the back of my mind I knew geese laid eggs I never questioned them laying rings in this song. Maybe that was because of the goose that laid the golden eggs or nest eggs that made me think of money. It seems like I’m always spending more of that then I actually have at this time of year. As far as six geese laying only five of anything, well as a chicken owner I can tell you that someone usually lays out every day (skips laying an egg, or in this case a golden ring) and I can never figure out which one. Whenever I ask, they just all go to squawking as if they are secretly covering for their unproductive flock member. One can never get a straight answer from a chicken.

Then there are my other favorite golden rings, onion rings. They made an interesting entrée as a 2012 spaghetti night treat, fast food lasagna, layered with quarter pounders, bacon, sloppy Joe meat, cheese, Big Macs, more cheese, and topped with 5 (or more) golden (onion) rings in a really deep pan. Try singing that to the two all beef patties/Mickey Ds jingle! Heart attack holiday fun food and after all as the countdown to Christmas continues, it’s the season for holiday eating too.

4 Calling Birds

There were 4 birds, a chicken, a duck, a crow, and an owl. As calling birds these 4 didn’t exactly fit the bill. But these 4 each found a calling. The chicken was scrambling across the road to go to a Christmas party. The duck followed the chicken but was spotted by a fish and wildlife officer, and unlike his pal the chicken, ran a fowl of the law. After a couple of wise quacks he was allowed to go with a warning. The crow followed in stealth mode and managed to not get caw-t. The owl was trying to keep track of whoo was whoo. Each of them had a gift for the gift exchange and each thought he had outdone the other. All were looking forward to getting rather than giving. Even after they exchanged their gifts they would still be preening and competing for recognition. Then they came across a tern who told them they were going the wrong way. The best Christmas party in the town was in the other direction. The 4 birds took the tern at his word and changed direction toward town. When they arrived at the party there was a long line of children waiting. The chicken, duck, crow, and owl added their gifts to Santa’s pile so there would be enough for all the children. They thanked the tern for showing to them how one good turn calls for another.

As we near the end of the countdown, Christmas day, the four birds found their true calling, learning the joy of giving rather than receiving, and calling for peace on earth and goodwill to all.

3 French Hens

The three French hens in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas are said by some to represent the three virtues: Faith, Hope, and Charity.

“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”

- Saint Augustine

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul-and sings the tunes without the words and never stops at all.”                        - Emily Dickinson

“Charity begins at home, but should not end there.”     - Thomas Fuller

“If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”

                                                                - Bob Hope   

Let Faith, Hope and Charity carry us through this Christmas season.

2 Turtle Doves

After resisting the urge to write three recipes (coq au vin, chicken cordon bleu, or chicken chasseur) yesterday, I’ve decided to include this quick microwave turtle recipe for people like me that are scrambling to get things done on Christmas Eve. All you need are small pretzels (knots not sticks), Rolos (the candy), and a nut (pecan half) for the top. Stack the ingredients starting with the pretzel on the bottom and microwave on a microwave safe plate. Serve and watch the tiny turtles disappear.

On the next note the turtle doves mentioned in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas refer to either the pair of birds sacrificed at Mary’s purification or symbols of love and friendship. I prefer the latter especially since Christmas to me is also a time to celebrate love and friendship and a time best spent with friends and loved ones.

The turtle dove is a bird much like the mourning dove commonly found all across the U. S. In my own backyard in St. Marys they frequent the chicken feeder right alongside my chickens (and a brazen squirrel that has managed to stay a step ahead of our dog, Fred). On Andros, the doves large and island small alike love to frequent our bird feeder and they actually line up on the branches of the small ornamental tree (where the feeder is hung) waiting for their turns. There is usually a pair on the ground scouring for dropped seeds too. That’s how they arrive, by twos like the (I’m singing again) two turtle doves and ….tomorrow is Christmas!

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me…

In the manger, a blessed baby…

*Blogger’s note: Merry Christmas-Peace, Love, and Joy to you from my family and me.