Fast Food Funeral

In the past I have blogged about the down side of fast food for breakfast but after reading about a fast food funeral I couldn't resist writing a little about it. First of all, the person whose life was being celebrated at this funeral (I don’t just want to say-the dead guy) was 88 years old at the time of his passing. The fast food of choice for the funeral was a Burger King Whopper Jr., although in life it was reported that the man liked all fast food. I wasn't surprised that he chose the Jr. over the regular or double Whopper, because the octogenarians I know generally have smaller appetites and smaller fixed incomes with which to maintain those appetites. The funeral procession included a trip through the Burger King drive through where the mourners each ordered a Whopper Jr. and one extra that was placed on the coffin amid the spray of flowers as the coffin was lowered into the grave site.

Of course the article got me thinking about my father-in-law, affectionately called by all of us here, Old Papa. He lived with us during his last years until his passing at the age of 98 and his favorite fast food item was a strawberry shake from Hardy’s. He did love to go out to eat though but his favorite restaurants had the food you could see. Maybe this difference is due to the fact that he was a nonagenarian rather than an octogenarian. In St. Pete he frequented cafeterias like Piccadilly and in St. Marys he was liked any place where the food was on a buffet like Shoney’s and Aunt B’s so he could see it before he chose it, and if there was a red headed waitress, it was even better.

The other thing I’m rethinking is the fact that I pooh poohed fast food for breakfast in a previous blog post. After a person reaches a certain age it really shouldn't matter what they eat because they should eat what they like. If fast food equals happiness, then so be it. That being said, if you should pass by a drive through at a fast food joint and just happen to see me (the slightly  hypocritical purveyor of fast food nutritional facts) in the line or at the pickup window, well… feel free to wave. 

YOLO and Polo

Here is a new (to me) word that rhymes with the old last name of an explorer, traveler, and writer, Marco Polo. Other similarities than rhyming, you might ask? YOLO is an acronym for you only live once, a carpe diem for the current generation. An example: Due tomorrow = Do tomorrow- YOLO. Today the term YOLO continues to evolve and now often appears linked with risky and reckless behaviors prompting some to remind its users that you only die once too.

Marco Polo only lived once also and for 24 years he seized the day as he excelled above all the other travelers of his time in determination, writing, and influence. His adventures traveling, writing, and exploring China, described an exotic new world and culture virtually unknown to westerners at that time. His willingness to venture down the road less traveled, a journey fraught with risks, seems to me to be an ancient take on the modern YOLO.

Then there’s the swimming pool game of Marco Polo. If you don’t know it, the rules are simple. One swimmer closes his eyes and says Marco and the others who are trying to avoid being caught say Polo. The person who is it (calling Marco with eyes closed) uses the voices of the others to figure which way to go to catch the next person who by the way gets to close their eyes next and be it. I found a quote from the original Marco Polo that could have something to do with how the game was named.  

"When a man is riding through this desert by night and for some reason -falling asleep or anything else -he gets separated from his companions and wants to rejoin them, he hears spirit voices talking to him as if they were his companions, sometimes even calling him by name. Often these voices lure him away from the path and he never finds it again.”- Marco Polo

How do I relate this to YOLO, you might ask? Well if you post a reckless idea that ends in YOLO on Face Book I will try to help you find your way back by putting “Marco” in as a comment.  

Random Acts and Couponing Update

Here is an update on my first month’s random acts of kindness. In a previous post I calculated that I would need to complete a minimum of 2 random acts each week in order to meet my goal for 2013. This has been trickier than I thought it would be. It doesn't seem to be as difficult being kind as it is being random and by this I mean being kind to people I don’t know. I have found that I need to make a conscientious effort to do it. I have completed 7 so far, one short of where I hoped I would be, but there is still plenty of time to catch up.

And I have two unexpected random acts of kindness to report. The first involved a nice young man with a beautiful baby girl I met at the Dollar General near my home. We chatted in the checkout line. They were ahead of me. When I came out with my two bags and headed across the field toward my home a couple of blocks away, the same nice fellow offered me a lift home. I was the recipient of a random act of kindness! The second involved my grandson. On Saturday morning we were downtown at the community market in search of free cookie samples and boiled peanuts when we ran into a friend that had found a small water turtle in the road where she parked her car. She clearly didn’t want to touch it but didn’t want to leave it in the road either. Ethan gently picked it up, and without begging can I keep him, proceeded to return it carefully to the marshy edge of the river. We all happily watched the little turtle swim away. It’s encouraging to know that committing random acts of kindness is trending for kids and it’s nice to think they can be positively influenced when adults in their lives commit random acts of kindness too.

Next is an update on my extreme couponing adventures. Yesterday I purchased 6 cans of Campbell’s soup -$0.56 each (4 chicken noodle for my flu survival kit and 2 tomato), 3 bottles of dish washing liquid – 2 Dawns for $0.49 and a Palmolive for $0.75, and two 2 liter bottles of Diet Pepsi - $0.80 each (my guilty pleasure). My total for this soup, soap, and soda trip was under $7.00 and I found out that Fred’s in Kingsland doubles coupons up to $0.70 on Saturdays. I know this isn't as extreme as the couponing on television, but it is as extreme as I've been able to get so far.

More on Super Bowl Ads

I wish they'd bring back the Budweiser frogs but someone told me they couldn't because they heard that all of them "croaked."

A couple of days ago I blogged about reject Super Bowl Ads and here I go again. General Electric wanted to sponsor the Super Bowl but they were rejected because the NFL didn’t want to make light of the game. It didn’t help that when the NFL Ad committee called about the request the phone at G.E. was answered, “Wattsup?”

*Blogger’s Note: I guess I really need to come up with something of more substance to “flesh” out this blog post. And when things need fleshing out it is always best to go with a carbohydrate, fat, and sugar or in this case I think I’ll go with Twinkies…

Twinkies were also looking for an ad slot during the airing of this year’s Super Bowl. As everyone knows their Host(ess) company has gone belly up (vs. belly out) but they still held out hopes for a Hail Mary pass. Unfortunately Twinkies don’t fall under the NFL’s current guidelines for promotion of good eating and healthy exercise.  There was also the fact that the American Heart Association might have a heart attack and Twinkies did nothing to sweeten the disposition of the American Diabetes Society. So not only did the Hail Mary fail, so also failed the sugar rush.

Personally, I think the thing that really tipped the table against Twinkies is that yellow dye no. 5 just couldn't compete with the Baltimore Ravens, Joe Flacco’s jersey color, purple no.5. 

Roman Numerals

First off let me say that I am not a fan of Roman Numerals. I don’t like them on clocks and watches. As a child when they appeared on math worksheets I saw them as “busy” work rather than “challenge” work. The biggest challenge was getting someone to whisper what C, D, or L meant (XVI were easy because I’d figured them out telling time on clocks). I also think Roman Numerals would be less tricky if the Romans had a zero in their number system. Roman Numerals today don’t really look like the originals used by the Romans either, not to mention that they obviously fell out of favor and were replaced with Arabic numbers.

So why do they use Roman Numerals to number the Super Bowls? The NFL has been using Roman numerals to identify each Super Bowl game since Super Bowl V in 1971 when then-Commissioner Pete Rozzelle made the move in the apparently belief that it would help add to the hype. Kansas City Chiefs historian Bob Moore credits the decision to go with Roman numerals instead of the more familiar Arabic numerals to none other than Lamar Hunt in order to make the game seem more important. Regardless of who had the idea to start using them, I think there’s plenty of hype for the Super Bowl these days and the Roman Numerals aren't contributing to it. They need to go. I am for calling this year’s game Super Bowl 2013 and numbering each by year ad infinitum (a little Latin-the language of the Romans-I prefer it to their numerals).

When a Foot’s a Not Foot

You may have heard of the Sub-Zero kitchen appliances, and sub 4, the under four minute mile, but lately Subway’s foot-long sandwiches have been discovered to be, well sub-foot. As a result there seems to be trouble a-foot. Subway Sandwiches is being sued because they don't seem to measure up to a couple of customers' expectations. Two people seem to have a beef about the buns they have and accuse the franchise of leaving them with shortbread. It may sound like a lot of baloney and perhaps someone is just trying to ham it up but lettuce take a moment to spread the facts. The two New Jersey men have hired a lawyer to sue Subway because in 17 stores they tested, the bread for their "$5 foot-long" sandwich meal did not measure exactly 12 inches and routinely was at least a half an inch short. Their attorney pointed to MacDonald's advertising that their quarter pound hamburger is weighed as a quarter pound before cooking and want Subway to be similarly honest as to what lengths they go too to produce their "foot-long" bread. (Could it be their loaves ARE 12 inches before baking?) They say some honesty in advertising is kneaded.

Accordingly, the attorney intends to garnish up a class-action law suit that may leave Subway owners in a pickle. Maybe the company will send some hot tomato over to offer them an olive branch instead of having to appear in front of some crusty old judge. So far Subway hasn't commented so maybe they're trying to ketchup to the facts. Hopefully, Subway bakers will rise to the occasion and take the bake. We've all heard of frivolous law suits and this one seems pretty cheesy. Personally, I think they're in it for the dough.

The Florida Python Challenge

After I saw the Florida Python Challenge video clip with Florida’s Senator (Democrat) Bill Nelson video I thought about making some snaky snarky comments about python entitlement benefits but the truth is that Burmese pythons (probably released as pet rejects) are taking over the Everglades and wreaking havoc with the natural order in its ecosystem. Global warming can’t be blamed for the python’s survival success because even in very cold weather the pythons have shown remarkable adaptability and survived.

As the mother of some South Georgia boa constrictor (and a few various rat snakes) owners I can safely say that the boa is a force to be reckoned with, at least the one my sons had as a pet was. He had a habit of escaping his confines and working his way behind various books on the shelf causing the books to be dislodged. Some of those books became chew toys for our dog, Maggie, who as a puppy was the most destructive chewer we ever owned. Boas, however, differ from pythons in that they give birth to live young, anywhere from 10 to 40 at a time, and pythons lay eggs, as many as 20 to 80 in a clutch with an occasional 100 in some clutches. Both pythons and boas are constrictors rather than venomous which just means they strike their prey and squeeze it to kill it before swallowing. Unless you are their prey most constrictors are not aggressive.

The Florida Python Challenge sponsored by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is a Burmese python hunting contest that kicked off on January 12^th this year and runs through February 10^th. It challenges hunters to round up and kill the invasive Burmese python. 1000 amateurs have signed up but only 27 snakes have been killed. It appears to me that the Burmese python is showing a remarkable ability to avoid hunters. Grand prizes of $1,500 for harvesting the most Burmese pythons will be awarded to winners of both the General Competition and the Python Permit Holders Competition, with additional $1,000 prizes for the longest Burmese python harvested in both competitions. Funding for the prizes is provided by Python Challenge™ sponsors. The largest Burmese python ever documented in Florida was more than 17 feet in length.

Fortunately for me, the boa my sons had would have maxed out at a length of only 10 feet, and I was sure glad when they traded it in for some geckos.

Photobombs Away! (and Homemade Zeppoli)

Photobombing is a verb that means to drop into a photo unexpectedly...to hop in a picture right before it is taken. My husband insists that it started with Alfred E. Neuman in Mad Magazine. Another friend informed me that you can photobomb videos too and he did just that on a visit to Universal Studios in Orlando. I think bunny ears are the original photobombs.  I challenged my spaghetti night family to photobomb each other while eating zeppoli.

Keep in mind, I resist all fried food as would be expected of a person my age and would be expected of a person as health conscious as I purport to be. That said zeppoli are fried and irresistible  I borrowed a deep iron skillet for the frying from friends as I my Fry Daddy has long been retired. Here is a rundown of the ingredients and costs involved in making these Italian delicacies at home: 4 pack of biscuits (pop ‘em out kind), $1.09 (I had a coupon!), 64 ounces of vegetable oil, $4.69, seedless raspberry all fruit (jam) $1.88, and a box of powdered sugar, $0.91. The paper towels to put the zepps on fresh from the frying pan I already keep in my kitchen. My sister has the chocolate chips for the alternate (instead of raspberry) dip that we got for $0.25 (the whole bag! Yes we hit the sale with perfect timing) and they are easily melted in the microwave. All this for a grand total of $8.82 and this will serve a bunch (160 little zeppoli if I turn each biscuit into 4 or 80 bigger ones if I cut each biscuit in half.) I only used half of the ingredients (and made 80 little ones that disappeared very quickly-best while still warm) so there will be plenty of Zeppoli for another day. The photo(bombs and all) tell the rest of the story.

Super Bowl Ad Rejects

Do you watch the Super Bowl for the game or the commercials, or both? Commercials might be enough this year if you aren't a Ravens or Niners fan. I figured today I’d share with you few of the commercial products that were rejected by this year’s Super Bowl Ad Committee.

First, the makers of Tidy Bowl were disappointed because their product wasn't chosen. Maybe the “Super” Bowl didn't want to be upstaged by the “Tidy” Bowl. Or maybe Tidy Bowl got flushed because there was a rumor out that they wanted to sanitize the half time show and Beyoncé wouldn't go for it. Maybe they were just wiped out by bad press. Maybe the Super Bowl Ad Committee was afraid that if they let Tidy Bowl in, Charmin would want a roll in the event too. When Tidy Bowl and Charmin started to raise a stink, the NFL smelled trouble. Perhaps that’s why they were both Ousted.

Naturally Bush’s Baked Beans got a whiff of the discussions and decided they also wanted in. Too bad the price of gas was going up, and to top it off (not the tank) Beano began demanding equal time. No joy for them either.

There you have just a few of the perspective advertisers rejected for Super Bowl commercial breaks.

This blog post has been brought to you by Tidy Bowl, Charmin, Bush’s Beans, Beano, not, but yes, by me.

Zeppoli

For my birthday this year I indulged with a deliciously sweet Italian dessert, Zeppoli. If you've never tried them, at the Olive Garden they are small squares of fried dough (like tiny doughnuts without the holes) coated in powdered sugar with raspberry jam or chocolate sauce for dipping. My husband and I shared an order of them after enjoying a birthday dinner out together. This time we had them with the chocolate dipping sauce instead of the raspberry jam and that made the Zeppoli sweetly decadent.

The time before that, also the first time I’d eaten Zeppoli, was at Joseph’s on 17. Our team won them on trivia night and that made them taste even sweeter. The Zeppoli at Joseph’s were smaller but there were more of them, enough for our whole trivia team to share with raspberry jam for dipping. They were the perfect complement to the pizza we’d enjoyed before the trivia began.

My most recent Zeppoli adventure took place at Ops in St. Marys for my sister’s birthday and they are delicious there too. There is no reason to miss out on the opportunity to enjoy Zeppoli if you live in St. Marys because you don’t even have to travel out of town for them. There’s really only one more place I want to try them out at, my house. My sister is the baker in our family but one of these days I plan to give her a break and try making some Zeppoli myself for dessert. I’ll keep you posted on how they come out when I do.

Swatting and Catfishing-Words with New Meanings

I don’t think I’ll ever run out new words (or just new to me) to write about but if I do there will always be new meanings to old words to consider.

For instance when I read swatting and catfishing, I think of lazy days on a pond or dock with a rod and reel in my hand and an occasional mosquito buzzing around my head. But lately both swatting and catfishing have taken on new meanings.

The swatting that’s been in the news lately still implies a nuisance, but its latest definition has to do with false alarms where SWAT teams are called out to celebrity residences to resolve phantom hostage situations or bomb scares. Seems like a much bigger nuisance than a buzzing blood thirsty mosquito.

Then there’s catfishing, and not for tender fried fillets  The only similarity between the old and new might be that catfish and catfishing both deal with bottom feeding. The latest meaning involves performing a hoax at an online dating site. Sadly the catfisher takes advantage of someone looking for an online relationship, love in one of the wrong places, obviously, and in many instances the catfisher profits by deceiving and receiving gifts and money. These scams recently received national attention when a Notre Dame Football player was duped, but apparently catfishing scams have been in existence for a while. I would imagine there would be some social stigma attached to admitting being a victim of catfishing but now that there’s been exposure I hope the lonely hearts will if nothing more, be more wary of these hoaxes. They might have better luck looking for love at a neighborhood fish fry. 

Global No Pants Subway Ride Day

Recently (January 13, I think) was the 12^th annual Global No Pants Subway Ride. On line I saw some photos of people boarding subway trains, riding subway trains, and waiting for their subway trains all sans (French for without) pants, men and women alike. And the people in the pictures looked funny wearing parkas and gloves and socks and boots without their pants too. The photos show that this isn't just celebrated in warm places, it is also celebrated in cold places and it’s a global phenomenon. Maybe it’s like a polar plunge of sorts in places not located near bodies of icy cold water. Maybe if more people participated in a no pants ride once a year they could get the idea of showing their undies out of their systems and pull up their britches instead of walking around with them halfway down, sagging, as it’s called. Maybe we should have a no pants day, and not just on the subway ride, once a year so everyone could have an opportunity to participate in or just see how silly (or in some cases-chilly) it looks. In places where there are no subway systems, we could just all go to Wal-Mart. 

1-19-13

Flu Survival Kit

I hope to get through this flu season without actually getting the flu. I have seen people out and about wearing surgical masks and it does have me a little paranoid. If I find myself needing a flu survival kit, here is what I am putting in it, just in case.

• ·         Cash for Dominos because they’ll deliver, keep the grandkids fed, cleanup is easy, and they don’t take checks.
• ·         My Mom’s old electric mattress cover (goes on top of the mattress, under the sheet) that has an adjustable thermostat and works like a giant (for aching all over) heating pad.
• ·         Butterscotch Schnapps and hot chocolate (K-cups for the Keurig) and marshmallows in case this body needs a toddy.
• ·         Some books to pass the time when I am not sleeping or whining.
• ·         Ibuprofen, saltines, and chicken soup from the can (comfort and nostalgia combined).
• ·         Fuzzy socks for my feet and my fuzzy bathrobe with pockets, one for tissues and the other for my phone.
• ·         Ginger ale.

The one two things I don’t want is anything that smells like eucalyptus or tastes like menthol, as in cough drops or lozenges. What would you put in your flu survival kit?  

The Unplugged House

My electric bill is up from $67 to $83 this month. I am thinking of trying an experiment to see if I can bring it back down again. I’m calling this experiment the unplugged house. Part of the reason my bill is low in the first place has to do with the fact that I am considered the electricity police around here. One of my granddaughters mentioned how a light had been left on in one of the bathrooms (probably overnight) at the breakfast table the other morning so I know I am getting through to them somewhat, and I am going to make her my second in command!

The things that already help to keep the bill low include the fact that the dryer is broken, hence the clothesline is in use, the weather has been moderate enough to avoid using the A/C or heat, we have solar tubes (mini skylights) that let in natural light in two out of three bathrooms, the hall, and kitchen, all the lights in my house are energy saving fluorescent, and (I worry here that I am channeling my father) I unplug stuff that we aren't using all the time. I close the curtains to keep the sun out during hot weather and open them to let the sun warm the house on chilly days. Also thanks to Coastal Construction (they rebuilt our house after a fire almost 4 years ago) we have excellent insulation in our new walls and under our new roof.

Now the places where electricity savings can still be had, maybe. I am thinking of unplugging my alarm clock. The grandkids use their phone alarms and I haven’t used the alarm on my clock since I retired last July. Even without it I still get up with the chickens and I have a phone too. I find myself looking to my phone to figure out what time it is also and I am thankful it resets itself whenever I change time zones or the time changes with daylight savings. I figure unplugging the alarm clock is a no brainer. My son, Neil suggested unscrewing three out of four light bulbs in each of the six ceiling fan/light fixture combos we have around the house. I rarely turn on the light in my bedroom but for the times that I do, I might save some electricity. The biggest fight with unplugging will be gaining the cooperation of the grandkids in unplugging their unused phone and other electronics chargers. I have a solar cell on my phone and in the rare event of needing to charge electrically I keep the charger in my bathroom beside my (unplugged) tooth brush charger, easy to find and for me easy to unplug after each use. There are also a couple of other ideas I am considering, these are at least a start. I’ll keep you posted on the downward (I hope) progress of my electric bill. 

Primogeniture

Did you ever notice that every year “they” add new words to the dictionary? You never hear about words that are retired no matter how arcane they might be. I do know that there are actual dictionaries of obscure terms but it seems like old words don’t get deleted (as Taylor Swift would say) ever. Some words do fall out of popular favor and others just need to go because they are used as slurs and obscenities. Primogeniture, my word for today, is neither a slur nor obscene exactly. It’s a term used to describe an exclusive right of inheritance belonging to the eldest son. Obviously some guy thought of this and turned it into law in places with royal families. I, for one, am glad the Queen of England has decided to get rid of it. If the newest royal baby to be is a boy he is automatically a Prince. If the newest member to be of the royal family is a girl she couldn't be a Princess or inherit the throne with Primogeniture. Her title would be “Lady.” Primogeniture reserves the privileges of inheritance and title for male heirs unless (as in the Queen’s case) there are no male heirs. Either way I think it is time for Primogeniture to go. Furthermore I think (since it will never be deleted from the dictionary) Primogeniture needs an opposite, something for the girls, like Primadonniture. 

Skitching

When I was a kid growing up in Chicago we would crouch and wait between (parallel) parked cars and then when a moving car came by we would dart out, smack into the car, and fall to the ground pretending to be hit for fun. Then we’d scramble back between the parked cars and run hide in the gangway (a narrow space between two apartment buildings or brownstones) and wait to see if the car stopped or came back around thinking they really hit us. You knew you were good if the driver stopped or came back. It wasn't the smartest game and in truth one of several less than smart things I did as an unsupervised kid. There is that, but everyone would cheer and pound you on the back if the driver stopped or the car came back and if the driver got out of the car and looked around, that was even better. Hula hoops were in and roller skates that went on under your shoes and were tightened to fit with a key. I don’t remember any skateboards but all the parts to create them were available.

“Skitching” is a word I saw recently and it reminded me of those days. After I typed this blog I went to Google and You Tube and discovered that “skitching” is a well-known activity, in some circles considered a sport, so I mentioned the word on Skype and found that there was at least one other person (who may or may not read this blog) that didn’t know what it meant either. Skitching is an activity where kids surreptitiously latch on to the rear bumper of a car so they can be pulled down icy streets on foot, in inner tubes or on sleds (or in other seasons on skateboards or bicycles). None of the kids I played the car tagging game with were injured during our adventures but the same cannot be said for those involved with skitching. Skitching, although probably quite an adrenaline rush, seems inherently more dangerous and can result in all kinds of injuries with head trauma being the most serious. I think the adrenaline rush was probably part of my attraction to car tagging, but I don’t remember playing our game in the winter; it was strictly a summertime, school’s out kind of thing that bored city kids did when we weren't playing baseball in the street or jumping rope. It seems like we spent more time outside when I was growing up than kids do these days. I don’t recommend the car tagging game I used to play today and as far as hitching a ride behind a moving vehicle goes? I don’t recommend it either. It all seems pretty “skitchy” to me! 

Fast From Fast Food

A word of advice: break fast with fast food, don’t breakfast with fast food! Breakfast is the meal health experts and your momma say you should never skip. I have been looking at fast food breakfast menus and I have come to the conclusion that although I shouldn't skip breakfast I should skip fast food breakfasts. If I find myself absolutely out of milk and cereal, then Subway would be my best option. All of their breakfast menu items are in the 300 calorie range.

Hardee’s breakfast’s menu items range from 1,000+ calories for platters to 530 calories for their biscuits and gravy or sausage biscuit. Chick-fil-A’s bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit has 470 calories and their sausage platter tops their calorie chart at 710. Sonic’s BLT has 490 calories. Burger King’s bacon, egg, and cheese, biscuit is BK’s lowest calorie offering at 420 and their ultimate platter a whopping 1,450 calories is on the opposite end of their breakfast calorie chart.

And I’m not even going to Mc D’s. (My husband also informed me that I've skipped Dunkin’ Donuts too.) But that’s okay because for me and my little flock of hens breakfast is what it’s all about and I am making it and eating it at home. 

Sock It to Me

A good friend suggested I blog about socks and their multi uses. She wears a pair on her hands when we walk on chilly mornings. I like to think of them as South Georgia mittens. We don’t have much cold weather here so why invest in mittens when a pair of socks will do?

Then one of my kids laughed at me the other day because as we were scrambling to get out the door I was caught with my arm under the covers at the foot of my bed pulling out a pair of socks to slip on (before my shoes) so we could go. Flip flops work so much better when the weather is warm, at least. But since the first sock got a laugh I continued pulling out socks even though I only needed two to complete the task at hand. Of course I had worn all those various socks to bed that week and that’s how they’d come to be tucked under the covers at the foot of my bed in the first place. Fortunately the dirty laundry basket was easily in tossing range and that’s where the socks I wasn't planning on wearing went.

And there’s the match or mismatch sock issue. All through elementary school (when your parents have more say so in what you wear) the kids mostly wear matching socks. Crazy sock days are the exception. By the time you get to middle school there is an enforced dress code that governs much of what you wear with the exception of your socks. Middle school kids wear mismatched socks all the time. Then suddenly you get to high school and mismatch is out and matching socks are back in. My high school aged granddaughter likes to wear the no show socks with flats (matching of course) and if they weren't no show everyone would enjoy the neon colors they come in, but of course that would defeat the purpose no matter how cool.

I once wore mismatched socks to school (as a kindergarten teacher) and not on a crazy sock day and was called out on it by a first grade teacher in the teacher’s lounge. Ever since, I like to wear matching socks as long as there’s a possibility that they might show.

Wardrobe Malfunctions

2012 was a quite year for wardrobe malfunctions. Google has at least 10 pages dedicated to links on this topic at an average of a dozen per page…well that’s a lot when you do the math, and I could have kept going with next. I can distinctly remember a time when it was not cool to split your pants until Spongebob came along and ripped his on TV. Prior to that, the idea of the seat of my pants splitting was just plain embarrassing (em-bare-ass-ing?). When my pants split I would be left red faced and wondering if I was wearing the correct day of the week panties while pretty much everyone else would already know. Then there were all the ways to let boys know their zipper was down like asking the question “Are you afraid of heights?” and when they gave you a confused look you’d just say, “Cuz your zipper is!” The old standby about the barn door being open worked too.

But by far the most common wardrobe malfunction we all get to see thanks to You Tube, the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and all the major television networks is what is commonly referred to as the nip slip. In fact I am beginning to be convinced that it is part of the celebrity female mystique despite dispelling at least one thing about female celebrity breasts that might be left to the imagination. Maybe the designer fashions are a contributing factor too. A lot of the outfits the celebs wear are, among other things like being genuinely unattractive, cost prohibitive, size prohibitive, and also common sense prohibitive to me.

These days I try to look myself over in the mirror and correct any wardrobe malfunctions that may occur before going out in public. At least I can always notice when I've put my hoodie on backwards!

Spyhopping

After following the news and watching the videos about the killer whales trapped by the ice in Hudson Bay I figured I’d chime in and share my own experience with “spyhopping.” A couple of years ago my husband and I took a cruise up and down the inland passage to Alaska. We went in July (my husband has a knack for planning our trips around our anniversary) and the weather there was heavenly in comparison to July in sweltering south GA. We took my Mom on this trip too because she said she had always wanted to go and see Alaska. Mom especially loved the cruise ship casino and dining at the Captain’s table. From the smoker’s deck area she saw pods of whales, blue glacial ice. We went on a couple of excursions with and without Mom. Most of the time we wheeled her in her chair but when we took a ride out in a small boat to do some killer whale watching off Victoria, Vancouver we had to park the wheelchair and climb aboard. Rather miffed Mom halted on the boat’s stern determined to sit on the cushions covering the box filled with life vests rather than moving inside with everyone else. I sat with her reluctantly anticipating the smell of diesel and soon the lines were let go and we were off. The engines were loud, too loud for conversation and that seemed pretty good to me because I was sure I’d have gotten an earful of complaints. We got some sea spray in our faces but we managed. Mom in her babushka was better prepared for the wind and weather than I. The boat slowed and then idled and we waited. Suddenly without any warning the orca pod lookout “spyhopped” right beside my Mom and I saw her eyes had gone wide as she turned toward me after looking the whale in the eye. After he sank back down into the water all was still above the surface and it was truly a rare moment for my Mom, she was speechless. Just as I thought Mom had given the lookout whale one of her “looks that could kill,” and he’d warned away the others, the rest or the orca pod came up blowing and curving through the swells. The spell was broken. My Mom and I were joined by several others (including my husband) along the rails for the best view of the show. We made the trip back and finally got Mom off the boat and back on the dock. It was tricky because I don’t have very good sea legs either and Mom never uttered a word of complaint. 

My First Random Act

I am happy to report that I was able to complete my first random act of kindness for 2013! If you read one of my previous blogs you might know I’m committed to completing 92 random acts of kindness in 2013. I went to the Driver’s License building in Kingsland to renew my DL and was luckily able to park right in front because the space next to the handicapped space was available. Then a car pulled into the handicapped spot right next to me. I got out of my car and came around both vehicles. There was a man opening the back door of his car where I could see he had a foldable walker and cane. Of course I got both items out and complimented him on how cool I thought the walker was because it had a fold out seat and a pocket complete with a drink and a snack. I found out he was a World War II veteran and he definitely looked very squared away. I didn’t get his name but he said he was nervous about renewing his driver’s license because he was 91 years old. I am sure that was exactly what his DL would reveal but I told him in my eyes he did not look his age and I meant it sincerely. As he started moving his age became more obvious. After going through the lines we met back in the parking lot where I returned the cane and walker to the back seat of the car. I found out my new friend was successful in renewing his DL. I had to settle for a temporary until I gather and return with proof of my social security number and residence (two separate documents for proof of residence alone). I also found out my new friend lives in his own house and he has two daughters that keep him in Omaha Steaks, which he thoroughly enjoys. Despite his age and war related aches and pains he was eager for a hug before we went our separate ways. And though once again when we were leaving I didn't think to ask his name, his age is the exact number of random acts of kindness remaining for me for 2013. A portent of good, for sure, I think. 

New Heights (for toilets)

Is the squatty potty the standard? I asked myself this question because my husband frequently complains that he hates a squatty potty. I can also say two out of three potties want to know, because of the three potties in our house (currently seats of honor in our three bathrooms) two are squatty and one is tall (commonly known as the throne). On a side note, I purchased the throne for my husband a while back as a Christmas gift. We had decided on a Home Improvement for the Holidays Christmas theme, so he got a garage door for me, butt back to the potties.

Mid-sized Elongated Potty

There are two configurations for toilets that are considered standard. The one is small and called round and the other is large and called elongated. Most toilets (squatty potties) range from 14 to 16 inches high (floor to seat height) with some of the new contemporary designs being even lower. I had hoped to find in my research that toilets were reaching new heights because people in modern times were getting taller. In fact, over the last 150 years the average height of people in industrialized nations has increased by approximately four inches, according to Scientific American. And although contemporary buildings have higher ceilings and doorframes than those of Revolutionary War era buildings, the American with Disabilities Act and dictates of comfort have had more influence on the heights of contemporary toilets than the new heights of human beings.  The ADA required height for toilets (or as we call them in our home-thrones) is between 16.5 and 18 inches. The chair I am sitting on as I write this blog post is 18 inches from floor to seat height so it seems reasonable for potties to be the same (though I would never consider doing what I do on the potty in my nice leather chair).

No photos (of the potties at our house) attached, so you will have to take my word for it, we have the entire range of potty heights, from squatty on up. The hall bathroom is the squattiest at 14.5 inches, the smallest bathroom has the midsized potty at 16 inches, and the master bathroom throne is a king (or ADA) sized 18 inches from floor to seat. I’m thinking as toilets strive to reach new heights, it’s nice to have choices.

Extreme Couponing

This is one of the things I feel a bit sheepish admitting, but I watched two episodes of this (Extreme Couponing) recently. Maybe I should try to look at it (watching television during the day) as one of the perks of being retired or at least on Christmas break (for those who are not retired), but then there’s also DVR so really there is no excuse. I think the coupon show was on the same channel as the hoarding shows too, but anyway, though I am loathe to admit it, I recognize that I am attracted to the idea of extreme couponing. I had enough Oust (room deodorizer) stockpiled to keep the bathrooms I frequented at school and the three bathrooms in my house smelling tolerable for a year and this was before I’d ever seen the show. One other plus for stockpiling canned goods is that I would always have something available to donate to a local food pantry.

The major drawbacks that I see include the fact that I love to shop at the commissary and they don’t take double coupons. In fact, none of the stores in our county do. The closest store that does is either on Amelia Island (Fernandina, Florida) or St. Simons Island, Georgia and the distance and gas it would take to go back and forth would probably negate the benefits. I also do not have a phone that is sophisticated enough to go online for coupon codes etc. And if I did then I would have to figure out how to work the data package on the phone too. Printing online coupons is complicated enough. I also have a tendency to buy just the things on my list and I noticed the stockpilers on the TV shows purchased items because they were good deals whether they used or consumed them or not.

And after all this weighing of the advantages and disadvantages, and faithfully reading the column in the newspaper about couponing, I went ahead and borrowed a book on it on my kindle in a last ditch attempt to convince myself that extreme couponing is for me. And one of the first things I read was that the results you see on the coupon shows on TV are not realistic. So I am happy to report that I saved a dollar on Fred’s dog food during my shopping trip at the commissary. That’s as extreme as it gets for me today!

Alive Day

I've been reading about this. Alive Day is a special day with significance for military veterans that experience a close escape from death. It’s typically the anniversary of a nearly fatal battle injury and celebrating it can help survivors reframe negative events into an annual day of triumph.

I think lots of people (me included) would do well to learn how to reframe negative events that occur in our lives. Michelangelo once said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set it free.” Reframing the marble, changing it from a large metamorphic rock into a remarkable work of art? Maybe the negatives in my life haven’t been as traumatic as what the members of our military face. I still have all my limbs and I have never faced the stress and trauma of war. Maybe I don’t need an Alive Day exactly, but I like the sentiment. I've already started keeping a jar of positive things that I can look back at to lift my spirits and count as blessings at the end of 2013, but an idea like Alive Day goes one step further by inviting a survivor to find new positive opportunities from the changes occurring due to the impact of the negative event, any negative event. I wouldn't need that jar if there weren't any negative events in my day to day life.

The next thing Alive Day got me thinking about is my brother-in-law who is fighting his own battle against cancer. His life has definitely changed direction. Can he reframe the recent loss of his leg into a victory? He is a survivor and the date of his amputation was near the date of his birth so maybe his personal Alive Day and his birthday can be combined to have a new meaning, a rebirth without the cancer. He faces a year of challenges with physical therapy and learning to walk with a prosthetic. And we know he will want to drive again. His journey to his first Alive Day has just begun. His triumph has brought him closer to his family and faith and given him a glimpse of the strength that exists in those bonds, a strength that will help sustain him on his journey. He’s an inspiration and we are all looking forward to seeing him celebrate his first Alive Day and many more thereafter. 

Wham, I mean WAHM!

Two words today, guanidin and wham, I mean WAHM.

First guanidin (that this computer wants to auto correct by adding an e) is a word that was played against me in a recent game of Words with friends (that I am trying not to lose by over a hundred points, yes, it’s that bad, but at least I am learning a new word). Guanidin is a crystalline compound of strong alkalinity formed by the oxidation of guanine. It is used in the manufacture of plastics and explosives. It is found in urine as a normal product of protein metabolism. I am not sure I want to know how you knew this word, Josh, but you can believe if I get the letters for it I’ll use it myself. My loser user name is jmount1952 for anyone else that would like to take me on in a game. For Josh there will be an automatic rematch.

Wham is the next word I keep googling and it means to strike something forcefully, or the sound of such a blow; a thud. Maybe you can hear the definition (use your imagination) as I smack the heel of my hand against my forehead. I knew the meaning of this word but I googled it more than once despite that (total lack of confidence on my part) because I kept seeing references to it on Face Book and the definition didn’t fit the context. Duh! This time the auto correct was coming from my own brain. The word I was actually looking at was WAHM and it stands for Work At Home Moms. These Moms really have it going on too. They have an online forum, eStores, and a WAHM business directory. There is even an Empowering Wahms page on Face Book and 83 people are talking about it. I must admit here that Wahms isn’t exactly a word …yet. It’s an acronym but with so many users I think it has the potential to become a word, like scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus) and for the record, when it does I’m going to use it when I get a chance in Words with friends too.

*Blogger’s Note: Many thanks to all who stopped out at my first “official” book signing. I appreciate your support and it was nice seeing so many friends.

Thanks-Jo

Random Acts for a Kinder World

or the random acts of kindness you do../

Random acts of kindness, paying it forward, and ideas for keeping track of positive events in our daily lives are gaining momentum it seems at the start of 2013. I've been hearing and reading about some and it makes me feel hopeful. I pass a billboard in St. Marys frequently that encourages civility. It has been there for a while so maybe the start of a return to a kinder more civil society is finally catching on. I read that there was a plan in place to stop the sale of beer after halftime at Lambeau Field during yesterday’s game (Packers-Vikings) in an effort to cut down on unruly fan behavior. Then there is the #26 for twenty-six random acts of kindness to honor the lives lost in Newtown, Connecticut. One of my cousins posted on Face Book that she is doing 53 random acts of kindness for her 53^rd birthday. I have also seen several Face Book friends offering unexpected spontaneous surprises to the first 5 friends that leave a comment and agree to post and do the same for 5 others.  I've been thinking about all this and have had a hard time figuring out how I can get in on this too for the New Year. I figure my with age plus 26 and the Face Book 5 at the rate of one random act of kindness per day it will take me a quarter of a year to complete the mission. If I stretch things out over all of 2013 I will need to complete about 2 random acts each week. Maybe then I would be in the habit of doing kind things and the habit would last beyond 2013. That’s a thought.

My cousin (the girl with the 53 self-imposed random acts) worried about the money she didn’t have to spend on the random acts but I think she figured out that you don’t need money to be kind. Although it would be nice to be the recipient of random acts of monetary kindness and it would be nice to be the doer of random acts of monetary kindness, there are lots of other kinds of kind things you can do. Then there is the idea of keeping track of the acts. I figure I need to do that too in order to keep myself accountable to my commitment (think teachers, list makers, and yes, bloggers.. we are track keepers). I spotted an idea on FB about keeping little slips of paper with notes on the positive things that happen in your life in a jar so at the end of 2013 (or on any day you might be feeling a little down) you can take out all the slips and focus on your positive experiences. A jar like that would work for the random acts and the nature of the acts are positive for the doer and recipient alike. Photo attached…but a list still works better for me.  

An “Unofficial” Thank You

Today is my first “official” book signing event so I thought I would blog about my “unofficial” events and post some pictures of my “unofficial” signing at this year’s craft fair on Andros in the Bahamas. The Bahamas wasn't my first “unofficial” event, the rainy Rock Shrimp Festival in St. Mary’s was and not one person even so much as looked at my book. The experience made me feel like quoting a song, “Mama said there’d be days like this,” but anyone who knows me knows I’m not easily discouraged. That day I wore a pendant made from the very first piece of sea glass I had found for luck. I wore it again in the Bahamas and this time, along with several books, I sold 40 pendants I’d crafted from shell pieces I’d found the day I found the sea glass. Although I love crocheting, creating jewelry, painting, ceramics, and all kinds of crafts, writing is my number one craft and I plan to keep improving on it and if you are reading this blog I thank you for your support. If you are reading my words I am a successful writer because ultimately writers write in hopes of enticing others to read their words, so thank you. And I will be wearing my lucky sea glass today from 1-3 pm at the Camden County Library in case you get a chance to stop by. Come celebrate with me!

Palimpsests

These blog posts might be examples of palimpsests if they were written on parchment or a tablet from which earlier writing had been erased, instead of on a computer. I erase (backspace or highlight and delete) a lot. But there is no residual evidence to the eye (unless you use the undo button) and my self edits most likely would not meet the palimpsest criteria because the earlier erased writing implied in the definition of a palimpsest brings to mind ancient recyclers of the written word. Wait a minute, maybe I do resemble that remark! I do sometimes feel ancient and I always recycle. All that aside, I chose palimpsests for today’s blog topic because when I came across the word I had no idea what it meant.

The word palimpsest has two definitions and neither is used to describe bloggers. A palimpsest is writing material (as a parchment or tablet) used one or more times after earlier writing has been erased, or something having usually diverse layers or aspects apparent beneath the surface. Two examples of the second meaning: Canada … is a palimpsest, an overlay of classes and generations — Margaret Atwood. Or the ancient city is an architectural palimpsest. It seems obvious to me that the second meaning is the higher level thinking definition for palimpsest.

All that is left is for me to use my new word in a sentence, so here goes: When my twin brother and I were still children my parents took us to the VA hospital to visit our grandfather, a war veteran who was recovering there from a wound to his leg due to shrapnel. He knew we were coming as my parents had called ahead and he and several other recovering vets were out on the grounds awaiting visitors when we arrived. As soon as my father stopped the car we jumped out and ran across the lawn to meet our grandfather as he came toward us. “Pa limps estimably well!” my intellectually superior twin brother said to me…… He always did have a better vocabulary.

1-blog about 3-13s

The Thirteenth Amendment completed the abolition of slavery in the United States, which had begun with President Abraham Lincoln issuing the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863. It was ratified in Georgia (the 27^th state to ratify) on Dec. 6, 1865. Peonage, involuntary servitude, and forced labor were also addressed by the thirteenth amendment. I wonder if any Mother’s child can honestly say they feel like they haven’t been on the giving or receiving end of some of those despite the fact that we've been protected from them under the 13^th amendment for a very long time. Why didn't I know all this about forced labor, Mom? Or did you know and just decided what I didn’t know wouldn't hurt me? (Rhetorical questions since my Mom passed away several years ago) I guess there’s just no constitutional protection for a sloppy room.

Thirteen bagels in a baker’s dozen, notice I chose bagels over donuts? My concession to eating healthier during the New Year? Not! My favorite asiago cheese bagel has 330 calories, and your average Krispy Kreme glazed donut has only 200. I just love bagels and I didn’t even include the calories in the cream cheese I love to slather on them either.

The third thirteen is the number 13, the one we associate with luck, usually bad luck. I am hoping that 2013 will be a luck changer, a lucky thirteen, or at least a Lean Mean Thirteen, (by Janet Evanovich) for me, filled with humor, good health, happiness, and adventure…. Maybe I need to rethink the bagels and add housework to my exercise routine! 

Firsts

It is officially a new year. January 1^st has passed, and here are a few more firsts.

I went to the River City Market Place (mall by the airport) and I took U.S. 17 instead of the interstate. That was a first and I enjoyed less traffic so much that I am planning on going 17 every time I go from here on out. I parked my car in front of Michael’s and walked all over to all the places I wanted to go and then some. Shopping, no stress (semi-free) driving, and walking outdoors on a mild, beautiful day under blue skies with cotton puff clouds, and loading up the back of my car with bargains, it doesn't get much better than that.

I ate my first (but not last) Kool Aid pickle. This cuke started its shelf life as a dill pickle but with the addition of a cup of sugar and a package of Kool Aid metamorphed into a bright red slightly fruit punchy, definitely still crunchy, bread and butter sweet and sour, pickle. I liked it!

I got to sit outside on my swing and watch my youngest grandchild, Jude, (4 years old) climb a tree in my front yard. He went higher than he’s ever gone before and figured out that the smaller branches weren’t strong enough to hold him anymore. The tree was one that my oldest grandchild, Analyss, (now 16 years old) had picked out for our Christmas tree when she was younger than my youngest grand is now. As I stood under that tree, with a Jude-bug climbing higher in it than I am tall, time came into perspective for me in a very concrete way. For the first time this year I stopped to count my blessings, and realized how important time with family and friends is to me, and how blessed I am have the time to spend.

(And one more first) My first official book signing is Saturday, Jan. 5 from 1-3 pm at the Camden Public Library (on Gross Road). You are invited to drop in and help celebrate this first with me!